Family Law

Children

As a legal process the divorce itself can be quite simple. Other matters, particularly financial ones, may be complex. Issues concerning children might also be - but should not. Anger and frustration towards your spouse are normal emotions and you may need to vent them - but not in front of the children! It is possible to detest your spouse - and still not fight when it comes to your children.

It is an understatement to say that it is difficult to take at face value your spouse’s statements of good intentions, when you would rather tell the kids how responsible you are, and unfair he or she is. If the spouse who is leaving does hurtful things and does not live up to his or her responsibilities there is no need to point them out to the children. They will come to their own conclusions as they grow up. In the long run it will not be impossible to fool the children. But, in the beginning, children need to believe in and love both parents. Do not deny them that.

What is vital, and not easy to say is "Your Dad (Mum) will always be your Dad (Mum); you will now have two homes". Remember that when you attack a child’s parent it will feel to that child like you are attacking the child. It may not seem logical to you, but it is the only way a child is able to feel.

IT IS NOT WHAT YOU SAY, BUT WHAT PEOPLE HEAR, THAT COUNTS.

Stop and check yourself when you find yourself saying:

These are all easy things to say -and difficult to avoid - as your emotions about the break up of the marriage, your fear of financial matters and the time and expense it will take to sort out. Those are matters that an experienced, competent and sympathetic family law solicitor can help with. The solicitor’s main function will be to assist in sorting out financial matters but also help on questions relating to the children and, if at all possible, trying to avoid bringing disputes about the children to the Court. You may not be a husband or wife any more but you are still a parent. Parents need to get on as parents or, if in the short term they cannot, then there needs to be a work round.

The process of divorce and sorting out financial matters, even in the best ordered separation, is a time of stress and uncertainty. Once that is out of the way, relationships very often improve.

Financial Matters

Sorting out financial matters in separation or divorce should be the art of the possible, closing the door on the marriage as gently as possible and problem solving to a solution that both parties can live with.

Neither may be happy. After all it is generally more expensive to live as two households, rather than one. There may be a new partner - but those are issues that need to be addressed and if one can come to terms with them, the rest is simpler. It may not be easy but, the more constructive both parties can be, the quicker and cheaper the process will be. Also, the more likely that both parties will accept the result as being the best that can be achieved in the circumstances.

There is no simple mathematical formula dividing assets – generally the situation is just not simple enough to add up the figures and divide by 2. The Courts have a checklist, set out below. The skill of the family lawyer is assessing the assets, the needs and liabilities within the framework that the Court would use, but also taking it further. Endeavouring to tailor the settlement in a way that is more suited to the couples needs and requirements than might be available to the Court. Divorcing or separating couples can agree things to accommodate their own solution in a way that the Court would not have time to do, he in-depth knowledge of their situation, or indeed the legal authority.

Matters to which Court is to have regard in deciding how to exercise its powers first consideration being given to the welfare of any child not yet eighteen.